please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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