So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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