the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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