My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
