ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
