lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
