I hate your face
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
