I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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