Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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