Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
