i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
