Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
as a side note pls kill me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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