that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
