just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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