is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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