I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
