he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We are two peas in an std pod
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
