I wanna passion pit in your ass
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
