awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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