so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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