Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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