Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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