yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
