coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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