she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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