What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
