dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
