I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
