batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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