if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
