please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
