So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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