he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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