How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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