Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
