I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
