Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
