I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
