he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
