Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
