I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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