I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
