Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
