I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
