What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
