He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
