What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
im on a boat
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