I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In America we eat man semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
