Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
