You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
