so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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