Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
