so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
