Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
