ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
